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Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

My Ever Changing Body

My body and I have always had very differing views on what it should look like. I've never appeared to anyone to have little self-confidence or body image issues. I've never really had any eating problems, just a very slow metabolism. In high school I was not into sports, yet was always on the go busy with church, band, girl scouts, or any one of the other varying extra-curricular activities. I don't really remember having bad eating habits, at least not compared to any of my friends.

In college things changed a bit. My father and I went to college together and lived in a small apartment my first year. I took some wellness classes (phys. Ed) and found myself eating less as I spent more time online. I dropped some weight my first year, and when I moved out my sophomore year I dropped even more weight! I was looking pretty good in my size 12/14 jeans!
humzoo
I managed to maintain that slimmer, yet not thin, figure for almost 3 years, which is when I met Richie. From that point on, as I dated more and the stress of some family issues dissipated the weight slowly began coming back.

Richie has always told me how beautiful I am. He has always been very supportive of me and my body. I was a size 14 when we met, a size 18 when we married, and my weight has fluctuated between sizes 18-22 ever since.

In July of 2009, when I found out I was a diabetic, I was 275 pounds. I had NEVER weighed that much. In fact, when I met Richie I weighed 175-a whopping 100 pounds less. He loved me all the same. I lost 25-30 pounds before going into the hospital in Dec. 2009. I gained weight back till I hit 269 and made some more changes in June of 2010 when I turned 31. I modified my diet, and in 6 weeks I lost about 10-15 pounds.

When I found out I was pregnant, in August, I was terrified of what it would do to my body. I had overcome food addictions and had started down a very healthy track. What was pregnancy going to do to my ever changing body? How much weight was I going to gain? What kind of food was I going to have to eator not eat?!

My body has truly amazed me these past 30 weeks! I continued to lose weight until week 10 of my pregnancy. Since then I've put on a mere 5 pounds! I've maintained my current weight for months. From time to time I dip down a couple pounds, but usually I find it again a week later.

In the fall my mother bought me several maternity shirts. Everyone told me to buy maternity clothes in my pre-pregnancy size, which I did. In November when we shopped I had to get one size smaller. I chalked it up to not having really tried on the clothes my mother had bought online. In December I had to drop yet another size, down to a 1X in plus sizes, and was told that I'd been buying my clothes too big.

Well, today I went shopping to buy an outfit for our Valentine's Day dinner at church next week. After trying on a few tops from the plus dept. in Motherhood Maternity I asked for some help. Things were just a bit off and didn't fit quite right. She said, "The shirt is too big!" I figured it was the cut or style. I didn't even look pregnant; the top absolutely swallowed me! She said, "What size is that?" I answered her and she said I needed to be shopping "over here" and pointed to the Misses section. All I could do was laugh. I hadn't shopped in the Misses section since 2001. She brought me a couple tops and to my utter surprise they fit! They weren't too small in the belly OR the arms! I grabbed a couple more thinking that perhaps it was simply the style. I was wrong! Every top I tried on fit perfectly!
I decided to press my luck and try out JCPenny's maternity dept., which only carries misses sizes. I gave myself quite the pep-talk on the way there, "All brands are different. Don't be upset when nothing fits!" Well, I was wrong, yet again because everything I tried on (size XL) fit me perfectly. I left the mall today with 3 tops and the cutest skirt!

All my life my body and I have struggled. I've never felt good about showing it off; often I will wear clothes too big in order to hide my shameful body. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and feel more beautiful than I ever have. I am more secure and proud of how my body looks than I ever was at a size 12/14! I'm not sure how God is making my ever growing body shrink at the same time, but I can assure you that I will NOT question him!!

I feel beautiful for the first time in my life. Let's hope I can keep that feeling after our pineapple arrives. ;)


5 Comments
girlcarew
WOW... you look great, and very pregnant! That shirt is cute. I think it's fantastic that you feel good and are happy with how you look.
girlcarew   Friday, February 4, 2011
RAGrise
I would lie if I said wasn't still a little concerned about how I will look afterwards, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there....I'm learning to give myself grace. :) Thank you!
Richie & Ashley   Friday, February 4, 2011
I haven't been on Humzoo for months but I have a minute this morning and wanted to see how you are doing. Congrats on you little pineapple. The sun will rise tomorrow and those adventures await. I am so so happy for you and Richie. God bless!
Lionheart   Sunday, February 6, 2011
RAGrise
I have been wondering about you and how you're doing! Are things well?
Richie & Ashley   Sunday, February 6, 2011
Lionheart
Things are going so very well. There is the normal everyday here and there's but on my goodness I love being a mom, I love having Ellie in my life. Everything in life has just gelled. I'm so excited for your upcoming baby- what a beautiful wonderful challenge.
Lionheart   Tuesday, February 8, 2011
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