My Ever Changing BodyMy body and I have always had very differing views on what it should look like. I've never appeared to anyone to have little self-confidence or body image issues. I've never really had any eating problems, just a very slow metabolism. In high school I was not into sports, yet was always on the go busy with church, band, girl scouts, or any one of the other varying extra-curricular activities. I don't really remember having bad eating habits, at least not compared to any of my friends.
In college things changed a bit. My father and I went to college together and lived in a small apartment my first year. I took some wellness classes (phys. Ed) and found myself eating less as I spent more time online. I dropped some weight my first year, and when I moved out my sophomore year I dropped even more weight! I was looking pretty good in my size 12/14 jeans!
I managed to maintain that slimmer, yet not thin, figure for almost 3 years, which is when I met Richie. From that point on, as I dated more and the stress of some family issues dissipated the weight slowly began coming back.
Richie has always told me how beautiful I am. He has always been very supportive of me and my body. I was a size 14 when we met, a size 18 when we married, and my weight has fluctuated between sizes 18-22 ever since.
In July of 2009, when I found out I was a diabetic, I was 275 pounds. I had NEVER weighed that much. In fact, when I met Richie I weighed 175-a whopping 100 pounds less. He loved me all the same. I lost 25-30 pounds before going into the hospital in Dec. 2009. I gained weight back till I hit 269 and made some more changes in June of 2010 when I turned 31. I modified my diet, and in 6 weeks I lost about 10-15 pounds.
When I found out I was pregnant, in August, I was terrified of what it would do to my body. I had overcome food addictions and had started down a very healthy track. What was pregnancy going to do to my ever changing body? How much weight was I going to gain? What kind of food was I going to have to eator not eat?!
My body has truly amazed me these past 30 weeks! I continued to lose weight until week 10 of my pregnancy. Since then I've put on a mere 5 pounds! I've maintained my current weight for months. From time to time I dip down a couple pounds, but usually I find it again a week later.
In the fall my mother bought me several maternity shirts. Everyone told me to buy maternity clothes in my pre-pregnancy size, which I did. In November when we shopped I had to get one size smaller. I chalked it up to not having really tried on the clothes my mother had bought online. In December I had to drop yet another size, down to a 1X in plus sizes, and was told that I'd been buying my clothes too big.
Well, today I went shopping to buy an outfit for our Valentine's Day dinner at church next week. After trying on a few tops from the plus dept. in Motherhood Maternity I asked for some help. Things were just a bit off and didn't fit quite right. She said, "The shirt is too big!" I figured it was the cut or style. I didn't even look pregnant; the top absolutely swallowed me! She said, "What size is that?" I answered her and she said I needed to be shopping "over here" and pointed to the Misses section. All I could do was laugh. I hadn't shopped in the Misses section since 2001. She brought me a couple tops and to my utter surprise they fit! They weren't too small in the belly OR the arms! I grabbed a couple more thinking that perhaps it was simply the style. I was wrong! Every top I tried on fit perfectly!
I decided to press my luck and try out JCPenny's maternity dept., which only carries misses sizes. I gave myself quite the pep-talk on the way there, "All brands are different. Don't be upset when nothing fits!" Well, I was wrong, yet again because everything I tried on (size XL) fit me perfectly. I left the mall today with 3 tops and the cutest skirt!
All my life my body and I have struggled. I've never felt good about showing it off; often I will wear clothes too big in order to hide my shameful body. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and feel more beautiful than I ever have. I am more secure and proud of how my body looks than I ever was at a size 12/14! I'm not sure how God is making my ever growing body shrink at the same time, but I can assure you that I will NOT question him!!
I feel beautiful for the first time in my life. Let's hope I can keep that feeling after our pineapple arrives. ;)