InsulinThere were lots of contributing factors to my resistance in using insulin. Some are simply due to my own personality, very Type A and super controlling! Other factors have caused me to be defensive and hesitant to trust, like my experience at PPA (previous OB) and the dieticians I encountered at the new office. I always approached the topic ready to draw my guns. I was immediately defensive because no one would tell me the things I needed to hear (the truth) about myself and the disease.
I prayed for healing; I prayed for God to change my attitude and heart. I prayed for wisdom and understanding. And sometimes I just got mad and cried out in anger about the whole thing. I did have revelation and understanding, but it didn't come until the proof was in my numbers, and I allowed my own pride to be broken.
The max number they want 2 hours post meal is 120. My elevated numbers were only slightly so, being 130-150. It was clear during my OB appointment 2 weeks ago that insulin was inevitable. As I approached the 28 week mark the numbers started to climb and the decision was made for me. I was not happy about not having control even thought I knew it was coming. So last Monday morning I called for an appointment with the dietician. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the most hateful of the gals I'd dealt with there had been terminated and would no longer be an issue for me. The appointment was set for the 13th. However, in 3 days time my numbers began to sky rocket leaving me worried about the growth and health of my baby. The growth scan I had done on Tuesday afternoon did confirm that though the baby's overall weight is good, the majority of it is in the abdomen, which is directly related to my elevated blood sugars. I rescheduled and was able to get into my insulin appointment on Thursday afternoon. After much prayer on my part and that of my friends God granted me the peace that passes understanding along with a very clear understanding of some of the insecurities I was having.
The gal who did my appointment was AH-MAZING! I had never met her before, but am so glad she was "the one" to get this set up. She was non-accusing, compassionate, understanding, and so so gracious. She explained that my food consumption and eating habits were fine. It wasn't my fault that my sugars were rising, my body just isn't working properly. She put to rest all the guilty and things I'd been carrying around for 20+ weeks of pregnancy. And I found out towards the end that she's also a christian. No surprise there!
Thursday evening I went to Walgreens to grab my script and cried the all the while checking out. This is going to cost about $100 a month. That is money we just don't have for meds. I have no choice in this. All I can do is pray for God to use this to build me up, to use this/me as an example for others (maybe) and to guide me through this. It's a trust thing. So....I'm trusting that our finances will be okay though our monthly obligation just jumped $80.
Yesterday was my first full day of injections. Easy peasy. I felt more stable, wheather it was psychological or not...makes no difference to me. I just need to get this under control so we can slow down and partially reverse the effects on the baby's weight.