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Friday, September 12th, 2008
Turning Lemons into Candy Corn
After seeing my Dad's depressing photos of death and devastation, it's obvious that my plan to conquer winter is not working.
So on to Plan B: trying to make the most out a barren and barely habitable landscape during the next six months.
I can think of two, and only two, reasons to genuflect to our new Winter Overlord.
#1) DEATH TO SPIDERS
No Mr. Spider, I ask you - where is YOUR God now? Apparently He goes on a Caribbean cruise during the winter months while you and your ilk succumb to an icy annihilation. I'll enjoy watching your numbers dwindle over the next few weeks and not having spiderwebs on my steering wheel when I get in my car in the morning. I say good day!
#2) CANDY CORN
It's probably the only thing that keeps me from cutting myself during wintertime just to feel alive. I know there are some Communists in our midst who don't like candy corn. There's an island 90 miles south of Florida for people like that. What candy corn lacks in nutritional value, it makes up for in love. However, we have to be vigilant - there are many false prophets out there masquerading as the real thing (Farley's, I'm looking at you). The one and only true candy corn is Brach's, peace be upon it.
As soon as my stockpile of candy corn is gone, candy hearts start to show up in stores. They're my Donner Party of the candy world because they give me the strength to endure the final weeks of winter. U R A LFSVR
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now I need to help Mother Nature by bombarding spider webs with candy corn missiles. The pumpkin ones will work well as cannon balls.
Turning Lemons into Candy Corn
After seeing my Dad's depressing photos of death and devastation, it's obvious that my plan to conquer winter is not working.
So on to Plan B: trying to make the most out a barren and barely habitable landscape during the next six months.
I can think of two, and only two, reasons to genuflect to our new Winter Overlord.
#1) DEATH TO SPIDERS
No Mr. Spider, I ask you - where is YOUR God now? Apparently He goes on a Caribbean cruise during the winter months while you and your ilk succumb to an icy annihilation. I'll enjoy watching your numbers dwindle over the next few weeks and not having spiderwebs on my steering wheel when I get in my car in the morning. I say good day!
#2) CANDY CORN
It's probably the only thing that keeps me from cutting myself during wintertime just to feel alive. I know there are some Communists in our midst who don't like candy corn. There's an island 90 miles south of Florida for people like that. What candy corn lacks in nutritional value, it makes up for in love. However, we have to be vigilant - there are many false prophets out there masquerading as the real thing (Farley's, I'm looking at you). The one and only true candy corn is Brach's, peace be upon it.
As soon as my stockpile of candy corn is gone, candy hearts start to show up in stores. They're my Donner Party of the candy world because they give me the strength to endure the final weeks of winter. U R A LFSVR
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now I need to help Mother Nature by bombarding spider webs with candy corn missiles. The pumpkin ones will work well as cannon balls.
Sent from my mother-lovin' iPhone
Your candy corn picture brought something up. First (ok, two things), I agree about Brach's. Definitely quality candy corn that others don't achieve. Second, I started something when I moved here that was taught to me in MN. Have you ever taken candy corn and mixed it with dry-roasted, lightly salted peanuts? The candy corn needs to be Brach's. The peanuts have to be dry-roasted and salted. If you use regular roasted peanuts, the combination changes and it isn't as good. If you accidentally get unsalted, you lose the sweet/salt effect that makes it so good. If you have never tried it, get a big jar of dry-roasted peanuts (32 oz? not positive about that) and mix with 2 regular bags of the candy corn. If it looks unbalanced adjust until you are happy but it should be roughly equal. Put that in a candy dish at your desk or on your coffee table and see how popular you become!!
(I know it's all just sugar and the colors don't matter, but they do.)
I, too, am working on building up my candy corn stash as well. :)
PS - I'm not much of a candy person (unless it's chocolate) but I do love candy corn, so I'm with you, girl.
What do you think it is about Spiders? The fact they have eight legs?
It's the eight-legged, bug-eyed, creepy-crawly, fuzzy thing.
Cute bag Mrs. Shoo.
I am very sorry to those I offended with the spider picture. If you are one of those people, do not, I repeat - DO NOT - click the following link:
http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/large/clockspide...
OR this one
http://img61.imageshack.us/img61/6937/spiderscs0.jpg
The last one reminded me of my worst spider experience ever. I worked at a summer camp with a wolf spider problem and outdoor bath houses. We had to clean them (the bath houses) after July 4th weekend. Music was blasting. I was talking to the other staff members and not paying attention to what I was doing. I sprayed the sink and started to reach down to wipe it clean. Good thing I looked where I was reaching, as there was a wolf spider the size of my hand and a web full of what I thought were small gnats. I freaked out. Ran outside. Screamed. And then passed out.
I came to and caught my breath. One of the other workers had killed the spider and cleaned the sink. He tells me, "Good thing you didn't stick your hand in there. You would've had a bunch of baby spiders crawling on you." I freaked out again. The gnats were baby wolf spiders.
I will say with all the spider pictures floating around Humzoo, I'm getting a bit braver about looking at them. If I saw the spiders in real life though...watch out.
Sally, you will make friends and influence people if you just put a bowl of it on your desk at work. Never fails. Even people who don't like candy corn like it and can't seem to stop eating it.
Speaking of Halloween (which we weren't but I just came from the stores with all the decorations and baked this AM) check out this link for some really gnarly cakes if you can manage looking at them. I have a couple of friends who are HUGE on Halloween and love stuff like this--thought some folks here might as well. Don't look while eating. LOL
http://www.theyrecoming.com/extras/
I had a somewhat similar experience a few years back at the apartment I was living in before I got married. The apartment complex was new construction, set in a former field. I got a ground-floor apartment right went they came available. So as you can imagine there were many critters lurking around who had become homeless. I was all like, eminent domain suckers! This place had SO many spiders. It was a bad joke that someone with crazy arachnophobia would end up in a place like this. Drove me back to a phobia specialist for the 2nd time.
Anyway, one day I noticed a huge mo-fo creeping around the linoleum near the front door. I grabbed a can of Raid (one of the many placed strategically around the apartment) and drowned the bastard. But something funny happened when the Raid hit it - it was like it started breaking into a million tiny pieces and running in every direction. And that's how my apartment become a neo-natal center for spiders. When all was said and done, there was probably an inch of Raid covering the space by the front door, with a hundred little black dots and one big black dot floating in it. I've got a picture somewhere of the carnage.
LGrant, after recalling that stories, those cakes don't bother me at all! I really like the first one. Think I can buy a Betty Crocker mix for that? :)
Cake mixes should work fine for any cake baking for design. The layers are sturdy but edible. :) Can't wait to see the photos if you make one! I'm betting I won't see one like a spider in this group (hope there are no snakes either!!). LOL
I did buy some Brach's candy corn at Walmart today. I'm a darned happy camper. It took me a while to find the original white/orange/yellow cones, but it was worth the dig.