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Monday, April 14th, 2008

Hi, My Name is Sally, and I'm an Addict

It's true. I am an addict. I thought I could quit whenever I wanted. I told myself that it was just something I did socially. But this weekend, when I found myself licking old coffee grounds out of a used filter, I had to come to terms with my full-blown caffeine craving. I believe Step 1 of recovery is admitting to my addiction on humzoo.

Until recently, I only drank coffee as a way of forcing my body into unnatural and unhealthy states of consciousness, like during all-night study sessions. And even then, what I drank wasn't coffee so much as coffee-flavored sugar crystals. I dumped so much sweetener into my cup in order to cover up the coffee taste that I had to eat it with a spoon. A coffee slushie. WD-40 coffee.

But since starting a PhD program this past fall, all-nighters have become the rule rather than the exception. I started relying on coffee more and more to get me through to the next class, the next presentation, the next paper. And somewhere along the way I began to like the taste of coffee - the blacker the better. I graduated to complete chemical dependency when I got my first caffeine headache about a month ago (I always thought those were a myth). I also bought a coffee maker in order to be able to feed the demon at any time of the day or night.

Now I keep my fridge stocked with no fewer than 6 different kinds of coffee.

Coffee connoisseur or java junkie?

Fortunately, caffeine is a socially accepted addiction. I can legally get my fix at almost any street corner in America. However, it's not without its hazards. The quest for caffeine has led me to enter into places filled with people who are: A) wearing Bluetooth headsets; B) mediating on the "human condition;" or C) writing the next great novel on their MacBook. It also causes you to speak in tongues, uttering such nonsense words like "venti." But for you, coffee, I'll do it.humzoo


12 Comments
billpearch
Caffeine headaches are very real. I had a lovely addiction to Diet Pepsi a few years ago. The only thing worse than those early headaches are those when you start to scale back. Good old-fashion withdrawal. Cold turkey, too.
Bill Pearch   Monday, April 14, 2008
k8day
I cannot stand the taste of coffee, I never could drink it. But if you try to take away my tea, you will be in big trouble! You cannot collect teapots without liking tea!
K8Day   Monday, April 14, 2008
lgrant
Keep a steadier diet of Humzoo--soon you will forget about coffee because it will take you away from Humzoo to get up and get a cup. I've known a cat who was into coffee grounds-licking but never a human. I have heard of desperation causing a human to reuse coffee grounds when it was discovered he was out of coffee. What are the other steps in the program?
LGrant   Monday, April 14, 2008
nikideaton
I love coffee! I am about to get a cup now. Sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through the day.
niki   Monday, April 14, 2008
Very funny blog but a very real addiction-as my family will attest I am addicted to diet drinks, expecially cola products. I recently went 8 days without one but i was so unhappy that I went back to my favorite-only less so. I really hate drinking water.
Dannie   Monday, April 14, 2008
bob
Don't worry, you're not even close to certified addict status. There's plenty of time to stop before you stalk your local roaster for that special Kenya-AA bean (just roasted this morning), buy that $200 burr grinder (in just the right color) and the $1000 coffee maker (probably made in Italy - or China).
bob   Monday, April 14, 2008
betsyradish
Ugh. I hate BluuToofs. Robbie calls them "The Bionic Ear."
I get caffeine headaches all the time dude, but I think it is more related to drinking pop.

Coffee is good though. So good.
Betsy   Monday, April 14, 2008
dennydeaton
I once saw what I thought was a man arguing with a tree. Then it turned out that he was on the phone, using his bluetooth headset. He was not happy with whoever he was talking. And his hand signals and gestures toward the tree really through me for a loop.

I heart coffee too Sally. I heart Mt Dew. I heart beer. Speaking of beer, if Dave doesn't drink them all we sent back some Gaelic with them today. Their on ice and I told them to keep'em cold til you get'em. Enjoy and let us know what you think!
Denny Deaton   Monday, April 14, 2008
lgrant
I have a problem walking in downtown Portland. Can't tell the bluetooth users from the wackos talking to themselves. These bluetooth people might want to consider an orange flag or something to keep it clear or they might meet up with a couple of white coats suggesting a long stay in a neighborhood facility!
LGrant   Monday, April 14, 2008
willnbek
CoffeE Rocks!!!! I love a good French Roast.. The darker the better for me!
WillnBek.com   Monday, April 14, 2008
thecoalyard
i worked for starbucks a while back and had caffeine headaches every morning before i got to work. i think that is how they keep employees--hooking them in with the caffeine (you get all the free drinks you want while working, or ya used to). but now, unless i'm desperate, you can't get me into a starbucks.
The Coal Yard   Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Leslie
I can't function without a cup first thing in the a.m. I believe it is a psychological addiction because I am fine without it the rest of the day. Sunday morning coffee is the absolute best! Nothing like lounging around in pj's, drinking coffee (usually 3 cups) reading the paper and checking out the latest Humzoo blogs. Ahhhhh bliss.
Leslie   Wednesday, April 16, 2008
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