1) A man walks into a bar...


and says "ouch".

2) A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Control freak...OK, here's the part where you say "Control Freak Who?"

3) What's the difference between a duck?

4) What did 50 Cent say when his mom gave him a sweater that she had made his for Christmas?

---G-UNIT!!!!

5) How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way

6) What kind of cheese is not yours?

Nacho Cheese

7) A grasshopper walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender say "Hey, you know we have a drink named after you."
"Really." asks the Grasshopper. "You have a drink named Steve?"

8) My all time favorite:

What do you call a sheep without legs?

A cloud.

9) Here is a favorite one around here. I'm sure you've heard it.

A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Banana.
B. Banana who?
A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Banana.
B. Banana who?
A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Banana.
B. Banana who?
A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Banana.
B. Banana who?
A: Knock Knock
B: Who's there?
A: Orange.
B. Orange who?
A: Orange you glad I didn't say banana.

10) Loved the Pebbles bit.
Here's a long joke so stay with it if you can.
A man is driving his car when he travels up over a hill and comes upon an accident scene. Police have responded and have the area blocked off. Noticing a familiar car, the man stops, gets out and runs toward the scene. An officer stops him and says, "Hey, you don't want to go down there. A man has been decapitated."
The man says, "I've gotta get down there. I think that is my brother's car." He runs down the hill and stops to pick up the head.
The officer asks, "Is it him? Is it your brother?"
The man holds the head high into the sun and says, "No, He was never that tall."

11) Why was 6 afraid of 7? ...because 7, 8, 9!

12) That's cute Angie.

13) a mushroom walks into a dance hall and sees a pretty girl standing at the side of the room. He goes up to her and asks her to dance.
The girls says, "I can't dance with you, you're a mushroom."
The mushroom says, "No, really, I'm a fungi! "

14) You asked for it... I'm full of em.

why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

They have really fat fingers!

15) Eeew.

16) okay, this one isn't really a joke but it's still funny. I got it off a list of imponderables once.

what color does a smurf turn if you choke him?

other questions on the list...
why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
if cats and dogs didn't have any fur, would you still pet them?
Do babies think adults are cute?

17) A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says
"Get out we don't serve your kind in here."
The ropes walks out twists himself around and pulls at the ends of himself and walks back in to the bar.
Upon seeing him the bartender shouts.
Hey! aren't you that rope that was just in here?"
The ropes reply.
"Nope, Frayed Knot."

18) A duck walks into a bar and jumps up on the bar and says to the bartender, "you got any grapes?"
the bartender says, "no, this is a bar. Can I get ya anything else?"
the duck says, "got any grapes?
The bartender says, "I already told ya, This is a bar we don't have any grapes!"
The duck says, "got any grapes?"
the bartender, now very frustrated, says "No, we don't have any grapes! Now get out of here before I nail your feet to the bar."
The duck says, "got any nails?"
The bartender says, "Look pal, I've already told you this is a BAR!!"
the duck says, "good, Got any grapes?"

19) Mmmm......I've heard a variation of that before except it is a rabbit going into a butchers asking for lightbulbs :-)

20) lol... no one told me they had to be original. :)

21) JimTheLimey and Ames get credit for this one, but it still cracks me up! Two muffins are baking in the oven. First muffin says: "hey, is it getting hot in here?" Second muffin says: "HOLY COW! A TALKING MUFFIN!!"