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A Week of Pain, but a Ray of Hope


Friday, May 25th, 2012

A Week of Pain, but a Ray of Hope

I didn't know what exhausted truly meant until this week. Seven days without sleep, coupled with wakes hundreds of miles apart and the emotional agony of saying goodbye to Betsy has finally caught up to me. I feel like I've been beaten to within an inch of my life.

The funny thing is this week wasn't all bad. Yes, I experienced the worst emotional pain in my young life--if there's something worse, then God, please kill me now. But I also experienced the best of humanity...and a semblance of hope.

The huge outpouring of support during the wakes was overwhelming. Tuesday night, I stood in a receiving line for three hours because friends and family just kept showing up (note: when I die, there will be no receiving lines--those things suck).To meet some of the key players in Betsy's life was so powerful. I loved hearing the stories about her childhood and adventures before our time together. It gave me a perspective that makes me love her even more.

The road ahead is long and dark as the days still don't feel like days and the tears come flowing without a moment's notice, but witnessing the genuine kindness of humanity this week gives me a sense of hope.

Though the light at the end of this dark, scary tunnel is too far off in the distance to see, I know it's there. And I'm blessed to have so many wonderful people assist me in my journey.

*I can see why Betsy was so fond of Humzoo. You all are good people :)


11 Comments
spike
Betsy inspired and was part of "the genuine kindness of humanity". I can only imagine the waves of grief you are facing. It is good that you can see light ahead of you.

I love Kahlil Gibran and especially enjoy "The Prophet". This is a excerpt that is on Joy & Sorrow.
___
"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow,"
and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy"
___
On a side note, I've always thought that receiving lines were so exhausting for family. I understand the sentiment but it can seem almost cruel. I hope you are taking time to rest.
Spike   Saturday, May 26, 2012
hawkwolf
Betsy will always live in your heart.
BeanCounter37   Saturday, May 26, 2012
nheinzel
I was glad to get to meet you, Joe, at the cemetery but how I wish it didn't have to be so. You are "good people" too and I can see why Betsy loved you so much. As I told you then, I'm glad you're here on Humzoo where you'll always find a shoulder to cry on. I've been thinking about you the whole time and will continue to think about you. And believe it or not but you will be happy again one day. It will happen although I know you probably don't believe that now. In the meantime I know your grief is great. I hope it helps to know that many people are thinking about you. God bless you.
!   Saturday, May 26, 2012
gotshoo
Joe, I was at a cookout this afternoon and a guy came up to me that I know through acquaintances and said, "Without being awkward and I don't know how to say this, but I'm sorry to hear about your friend Betsy." He told me how he had seen my posts on Facebook and that his cousin knew Betsy through "Catholic camp." I assume Ondessonk. She also worked at the Girl Scouts camp with Carrie for a couple of summers. Without elaborating much he said, "she really did make a difference in people's lives."

I told him it wasn't awkward and thanked him for remembering Betsy.

Praying for you that healing process can begin and also praying that the animals are doing well.
shoo   Saturday, May 26, 2012
RAGrise
I've been absent from Humzoo for about the last year. I reappeared just in time to see this news of your dear Betsy. I did not know her. I did not have the pleasure of many other humzooers here in building a relationship with her. But I know love. My heart breaks for your loss, and the everyone else whom is mourning Betsy. I haven't known how to respond, if I should respond, or what to say. So know my prayers are with you, Joe. My heart does ache for you. Clearly she was an amazing person who has left a legacy, a beautiful, wonderous legacy.
Richie & Ashley   Saturday, May 26, 2012
reera
Glad to hear from you, Joe. We have our arms around you. I know about those tunnels. When the light starts to shine again it will lift you up to new heights of awareness and apprciation for where life leads you next.
dannie   Sunday, May 27, 2012
Been thinking about you a lot, joe, and praying for you. Hang in there and lean on God. It gets better.
Kate Johnston   Monday, May 28, 2012
igna83
Think about you a lot...
Angi   Thursday, June 7, 2012
nheinzel
I've been thinking about you a lot, too, Joe, and I hope it's a little easier to get up in the morning and do what you need to do. I know this was a devastating loss for you, and I can't imagine how you are able to go on. I hope Fargo is taking good care of you.
!   Thursday, June 7, 2012
igna83
Had a dream about Betsy two nights ago...amazing, since I'd never met her in person. At all. But when I awoke, it felt so real.
Angi   Monday, June 25, 2012
nheinzel
She was that kind of person, Angi.
!   Tuesday, June 26, 2012
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