Monday, March 24th, 2008
Open Mouth, Insert Toddler Sized Velcro Shoe

The family took Dave to work this morning because: 1. We can only afford one vehicle on one income. 2. Apparently frost means it's too cold for Dave to ride his bike. 3. I had things I needed the car for today. It is not unusual for Dave to stop for a Sausage and Egg McMuffin on the way to work. Pretty soon, I will be saying, "it is not unusual for Dave to have a heart attack after climbing a flight of stairs." But anyway...

Anybody at the Heinzel Family Easter Dinner Extravaganza might recall Dave mentioning the "smallish man" that works at this McDonald's. Dave called him a midget...a man he could trust. I said Dave could trust that the man would not pick his pocket. We're a very politically correct family.

We ordered Dave's breakfast heart attack at the dreaded second drive-thru lane. This is off-topic, but who actually trusts those things? They seriously give me anxiety. I can't handle it. I mean, after you order, you are forced to merge into one line to pay and pick up your food. And we all know what the IQ level of the workers is generally thought to be. I just don't trust that they can handle it. Anyway, after ordering, the man says, "Your total is $2.36. Please have your money ready." And it was a little forceful...possibly angry the way he said that.

As we approached the first window, I scrambled for change to have the freakin' money prepared to throw at the man with the tiny arms. Ethan was saying something like, "It opens by its self?" I had no idea what he was talking about. I guess he was watching the drive thru window and pondering how that crazy thing worked. Dave was paying attention, so he answered, "No honey, there's a small man in there and...." And his voice trailed off. I assume he realized the mistake he made because I believe Dave then tried to say it was a big man behind the window. Oh boy. How deep can can you dig this hole?

Meanwhile, I was just praying our transaction would be very short. Throw the money into the tiny outstretched arm. Keep the van rolling and move on to the second window! Oh no. We came to a complete stop at which point Ethan exclaimed from the backseat that what he was looking at was indeed a "SMALL MAN!" not a big man.

Oh. My. God.
Tags:  Courtney, Dave, Ethan, Mia
11 Comments
dazedpink
1) ok is it bad that I am crying from laughing so hard right now???
Jules   Monday, March 24, 2008
nheinzel
2) Hey, Ethan, did we go to the zoo and see big turtles? No, little turtles!!!! (sorry, inside joke!)
!   Monday, March 24, 2008
ben
3) HAHA...poor guy prolly hates his life.
Biker Ben   Monday, March 24, 2008
daveheinzel
4) I just need to add that despite how wrong this all is, the guy working the drivethru in question is for sure the most intelligent and respectable individual working at a fast food restaurant in this town. And to his defense, I think the person who was somewhat abrasive while taking our order this morning was a different worker - the chick who hands us the food when it's ready without even looking our way.
Dave Heinzel   Monday, March 24, 2008
nikideaton
5) That is hilarious! Kids really do pick up on everything we say. That is why I am trying to get a few of our friends (Jason Alexander) to stop cussing around Dylan. I would hate for her first word to be 4 letters and start with an F.
niki   Tuesday, March 25, 2008
betsyradish
6) If you accidentally cuss, try saying "DooDah" after the sentence. The kid will 9 times out of ten repeat "DooDah" rather than whatever word you accidentally said.

Calling out the midget was hilarious though. "Don't tase me, little man!"
Betsy   Tuesday, March 25, 2008
courtneyheinzel
7) Betsy, this is the best parenting advice ever. Seriously, I really think you've got something there. You could sell an entire book based on this bit of advice.
Courtney Heinzel   Tuesday, March 25, 2008
betsyradish
8) It's all about slight of hand. Or, slight of mouth, I guess.
Betsy   Tuesday, March 25, 2008
spike
9) "No honey, there's a small man in there and Doo Dah Doo Dahhhhhhh...."
Spike   Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Emily
10) Hey, the inventor of the Egg McMuffin just died. It made me think of this blog.

Egg McMuffin inventor Herb Peterson dies in California at 89
Taffy   Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Joe
11) I am observing a moment of silence.
Joe   Thursday, March 27, 2008
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