Tuesday, July 6th, 2010
Two years ago Two years ago, I wrote this blog about the loss of one of my daughter's friends, the loss of a friend's child. Jessica is now 17. The same age Ethan was when he died. I cannot imagine or fathom the grief that my friend David had when he was notified and still has on a daily basis. The loss of Ethan shook my faith in God. Ethan was a good kid. Why take a good kid? What was the point? Why make his parents suffer this way? What did they do wrong to deserve this grief and pain? I still don't have answers to those questions.

On Thursday, Jessica leaves for 3 weeks in Europe. It will be the furthest she, my first born child, the child I almost lost at 16 months old, has ever been away from me. It constantly comes back to me that she is 17 now. The same age that my friend lost his son. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that loss is. I know he still struggles with it. I know it has caused him to question his own faith in God.

Recently, I also posted this blog about the loss of my friend, Matt Sloan. He was only 29. To me (at 41) that is still very young. Matt was involved with the Episcopal Church. He was in New Orleans helping to rebuild. He spent his summers working with youth at church camp. He had faith. The loss of Matt caused another blow to my faith. Again why? He was a good kid. What was the point here? He was doing God's work. What did his loved ones do to deserve to have him taken from them in the prime of his life? And, again, I don't have answers to those questions.

Last Sunday, June 27, my 17 year old niece was involved in a very bad car accident. She was airlifted to the hospital. Apparently she and her boyfriend were in the backseat of a van being driven by another teenager on the highway when he lost control. The back end of the van slammed into a tree. No one saw the accident happen. There happened to be an ambulance that passed by shortly after it happened and noticed the smoke. They managed to remove my niece and her boyfriend from the van before it went up in flames. If they had not been where they were at just the right time My niece broke her arm (compound fracture), her leg (2 compound fractures), 2 ribs, her jaw, and has nerve damage to her foot where something in the van apparently tore a chunk out of it. She has already undergone 3 surgeries over a 4 day period and I am sure faces many more. Neither she nor her boyfriend has their seatbelts on.

The front seat passenger was treated and released. The driver was hospitalized for 2-3 days and released. Her boyfriend was in ICU for 4 days before he was moved to a regular room.

Now you may say that God put that ambulance there to save these kids. WHY? I can tell you I don't think these kids deserved to die. Nope but I can also tell you that these kids were not angels. You can look at their Facebook pages and see that. The talk about playing beer pong and getting drunk at 17 years old!

Bam, there was another blow to my faith. And the questions began all over again. Why would God take two people that had faith, that tried to live a good life, that attended church regularly, that clearly did God's work from the people that loved them? Why leave the ones that seem to be out for nothing but a good time and never put anyone before themselves? Why?

David recently sent me a message asking me about Matt. He wanted to know more about him and about his death. I responded and part of my response was this:

It kind of reminded us that we really are not immortal and bad things really do happen to good people more often than we like to admit. It's hard for me particularly because it seems the last few years have been filled with senseless deaths that leave me questioning my faith all the time. But I guess, in the end, it makes my faith stronger because I have to believe that there is a reason for everything even if I don't fully understand the "why" at the time.

I am trying very hard to believe that there really is a reason for everything but it's hard to cling to that belief at times.