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Thursday, August 28th, 2008
There is Enough
I am approaching a new crossroads in my life. We are expecting our first grandchild in September (Sarah and Jason) and along with great joy, it creates some anxiety in me. I want to be there like my mother was for my children and Bob and me, always available, putting her children and grandchildren first, above all other things. Circumstances seem to be dictating a somewhat different possibility -- I'm trying to make a serious go at my jewelry business; GWBush economics is messing with us (BIG TIME) since Bob retired; and we live 2 1/2 hours away from the kids. I know we are EXTREMELY fortunate to live that close to our children but for me, that distance and the jewelry business affect my ability to be available on a daily basis, and watch that baby transform before my eyes.
Being there for others has always been my primary goal in life and I have a husband who provided for us in a way that made it possible for me to drop everything and go to the side of whomever was in need. I always appreciated that from Bob, but I am really beginning to grasp the gravity of the stress that I heaped on him through the years. I have a firm belief that we are in this world to care for one another, but I was naive enough and fortunate enough to be able to travel that road with someone else seeing to the financial responsibility for helping it all happen. Now that I carry some of that weight, it’s more difficult to retain my ability to trust that what is needed will come.
I have a wonderful yoga class on Wednesday mornings and this week my mantra was, “there is enough” -- enough money, enough talent, enough energy, enough time. This was making me feel a little more confident in my ability to meet the needs and desires I anticipate. The phrase evolved to, “I am enough,” and a wave of comfort washed over me. Knowing I am never alone in this life, the mantra evolved once more -- “we are enough.”
If we are enough then there is enough.
I revel in the possibilities.
There is Enough
I am approaching a new crossroads in my life. We are expecting our first grandchild in September (Sarah and Jason) and along with great joy, it creates some anxiety in me. I want to be there like my mother was for my children and Bob and me, always available, putting her children and grandchildren first, above all other things. Circumstances seem to be dictating a somewhat different possibility -- I'm trying to make a serious go at my jewelry business; GWBush economics is messing with us (BIG TIME) since Bob retired; and we live 2 1/2 hours away from the kids. I know we are EXTREMELY fortunate to live that close to our children but for me, that distance and the jewelry business affect my ability to be available on a daily basis, and watch that baby transform before my eyes.
Being there for others has always been my primary goal in life and I have a husband who provided for us in a way that made it possible for me to drop everything and go to the side of whomever was in need. I always appreciated that from Bob, but I am really beginning to grasp the gravity of the stress that I heaped on him through the years. I have a firm belief that we are in this world to care for one another, but I was naive enough and fortunate enough to be able to travel that road with someone else seeing to the financial responsibility for helping it all happen. Now that I carry some of that weight, it’s more difficult to retain my ability to trust that what is needed will come.
I have a wonderful yoga class on Wednesday mornings and this week my mantra was, “there is enough” -- enough money, enough talent, enough energy, enough time. This was making me feel a little more confident in my ability to meet the needs and desires I anticipate. The phrase evolved to, “I am enough,” and a wave of comfort washed over me. Knowing I am never alone in this life, the mantra evolved once more -- “we are enough.”
If we are enough then there is enough.
I revel in the possibilities.
I also love this one, Namah Shivaya Gurave- It means: I offer myself to the light, who is the true teacher. It is part of the Anusara Invocation. I find myself humming it in traffic, in the shower, in meetings...
Just a little peace goes a long way. I can't wait to meet Sam.
Sarah, you know a lot more about yoga than I do!!! I can't remember any of those words! My teacher, Kelly, uses them when she guides us and I am right there with her in class, but I don't remember a THING afterwards. I like to think I would remember more if I was younger, but I'm not so sure about that. I do know though, like you, that a little peace goes a long way. And I am grateful for that.
So, I thought my blog might come off sounding trite, but I guess we women always understand the "I am enough" struggle. Thanks, ladies.
I also struggle with a similar guilt now that school has started back up. My poor cats have become latch-key kitties.
Thank you, Sally.
Jason, Sam and I are so fortunate to have parents and family members and friends that love us so much. I really don't know what I would do with out you. You have taught me patience and that somehow, in finding patience, things always work out - the way we expected or not. I am definitely unsure about what the future holds, but if I didn't have my family as a support and guide I know I would be lost.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!!
I love you.
I can't wait to be grand mommy to Sam and watch you and Jason become the best parents in the world.
As far as caring for others, I struggle with this because my own mother is a super human caregiver. She knows what people need before they need it and she provides it. I told her the other day that I will never be able to take care of anyone the way I've been cared for. And I struggle with feeling bad about that.
But I decided that we all are different with different gifts to offer. And as long as I give what I am able and give it with unconditional love, it IS enough.
Congratulations Pegi on your grandmother-hood.