DecisionsThe first unsupervised extended visit is now over. We won't have another for a couple of weeks. I'm not really sure what to say about it, because I'm not really sure about anything right now. Birth parent world = crazy, sad, frustrating, etc. That's all for now.
In other news...both babies are crawling now! It is so much fun to watch them, they're so cute and wobbly and seem to need to make loud grunts and yells to move across the floor. They're also pulling up on things now too, so we're enjoying these last few months of limited mobility. I can't imagine what it will be like when both are running around!
They're still tiny girls. We are still mostly in 3-6 month clothes. At least they got some good use out of those clothes! I wish they had a baby petite department because there are several outfits where the length is too long, but the belly is too tight. Suck it in girls!
I know every mother (and many fathers) deal with this, but we are beginning to look at my work situation. We're just not sure what to do. The girls are going through some hard times, especially after weeks with lots of daycare and lots of visits. This week, Friday night and all day Saturday were just horrific. They almost couldn't function they were so upset and out of sorts. It was really, really bad. But by Sunday, after lots of holding and talking and gentle routines they were just so comfortable and happy.
I know they need to bond with whatever family members they can, but for 8 month old babies visits are confusing, taxing, and stressful. They often are picked up by transporters they have never met before, are sent to visits with a different random relative accompanying the parent each time, and now with the home visits are being cared for in environments completely new and unfamilar. It's a lot to deal with....especially on top of the commotion of daycare and day to day busy-ness.
I think taking them out of daycare and staying home with them is the most beneficial thing that could happen to them at this point. They need stability, they need a constant caregiver, and they need to know what having a mother really feels like.
But it is very hard to quit my job and lose our extra income when we are not entirely sure how long they'll even be here. And I enjoy my job. Quitting wasn't even on my radar until the last couple of weeks. It won't cause extreme hardship on my boss if I leave as our current project is winding down...but we've already been looking at some fun future projects.
S and I both are beginning to see that this is an extremely important time in their lives in developing the ability to form healthy, strong attachments. I think we owe it to them to help them do that to the best of our ability. In fact, the more I see how deeply these babies are affected by foster care the more I feel that all babies in f.care need a full time SAHM....even if these two are only around a few more months there will always be another one (or two!) who needs that level of care of stability to even have a chance at healthy development.
So we'll see what happens. We're going to take a little while to think about it before making any huge decisions. Tomorrow night we have a home visit from the social worker and hope to get some idea of timelines and expectations. That might help.